wish upon a sleep

Sometimes I wish that I would wake up from sleep with amnesia. I don't remember all my past sins and mistakes. I would be worry free. I could start my life again.

eaten away by umformidable enemy....

Time could be monstrous and eat you away of your beauty from inside and outside. 

I felt changed after years of abusing myself with load of works, bad habits and my own laziness to exercise. I took a look at old photo and saw a different person than what I am today.

I am changed. 

Changed for the worst.  

Changed in many aspects.

My skin, 

My hair, 

My weight, 

My posture,

My view of life.

My whole mind.

My attitude.

My whole me. Is changed.

I didn't realize how hideous I've become till tonight.

Chapter 1 : The Beginning 2

Born to a simple family I was raised in a small house with many siblings. Three elder sisters and three elder btothers. As the seventh after 6 years from my elder brother, I was pampered by my parents. Everybody had their function in the family. There were tasks that everyone knows and do but not I as the youngest one. The sixth was very jealous of me as I was always the one doing nothing and play all day. He had bad intentions and always find ways to get to me. Once, he asked me to hold a piece of paper up on my head while he trew a dart right on my forehead. He made it like an accident to get away from trouble and I believed that it was unintentional.  Ask me to passed him an old bamboo stick and slitted my thumb, kicked a rattan ball onto my face and I believed those were all  jokes that turned into accidental pain in my end.